Hi there survivor!
It's a zombie who's gained sentience here!
Don't be silly. It's a human...
Dead people can't type. They're idiots.
Eating brains, yes. Using a qwerty keyboard and understanding how to set up an account on a blog website...
No.
My day today was one of enormous relief. It turns out that I was right all along...
Even pretending to be a zombie can't fool truly infected subjects. And I would know.
So, here was the question: How will these things know the difference between themselves and disguised survivors?
Somebody could wear prosthetics and fake blood and shuffle down the road and they would be completely ignored by the horde!
And no, that rhyme was not deliberate. But it was quite good. But anyway...
Guess what? It doesn't work. For the sake of science and curiosity, I did it. I dressed up like a corpse and practiced my groaning.
Everything was safe... we'd captured two 'live' ones and I was far enough away to run if they... smelt a rat?...
Smelt a rat-atouille more like! Which is a food? You know... like a meal? Except for zom... alright forget it.
Fact is, they spotted straight away that I wasn't one of them. I barely had time to showcase my fully rehearsed dead-head impression.
They just knew instantly. They started lumbering towards me immediately! They chased me!
With their teeth!
Now, I don't know exactly how they could distinguish between living and dead so quickly... Maybe they didn't buy my act?
Or perhaps they bite first and ask questions later?
Or possibly I was closer with my rubbish joke? Maybe they really could smell my fresh flesh...
But the point is, I was right. We can't fool these ghouls. We can't trick these pricks. Survivors and zombies will never integrate.
Differentiate, maybe, but they will never find the area under that graph! Oh dear. Maths humour. Time to stop now I think.
REMAIN INDOORS